How To Be the Kind of Friend You Needed During Hard Times

We have all faced a life bearing situation that was so hard that we couldn't just tell our close friends yet. It may be easier to share good news majority of the time rather than tell them information that is unsettling where it brings negative feelings.

Everyone deals with hard-bearing situations differently. Some may easily tell their friends exactly what they are feeling and what happened. While others just shut people out, and can't take the pain of explaining their feelings to another person.

I have few friends but I have each for a different reason. Some I party with, some I talk to about school and my career path, and others I confide in about my emotional and spiritual growth. I’ve been the friend who watched my friends go through some tough life situations and silently break down without being able to reach for help. I’ve also been the friend going through those situations without being able to reach out. I would say I am in the middle, I try to be an open book with my friends, and communicate with them how I am feeling, but sometimes I get scared of rejection or no one understanding why I am feeling that way I am. It also depends on the friend I am talking to as well. The idea of being a bother literally frightens me!

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The best advice I can give to you to be there for a friend who doesn’t know how to ask for help yet is to first and foremost be genuine at all times! Personally I am super big on energy. If I sense you don't honestly care and just want to be nosy about what I am saying then I won't ever come to you again, and probably not talk to you either.

Secondly, hold a space for them to be able to be comfortable in. You do it by not offering your advice, opinion, or judgments. You let your friend say and feel whatever they need to feel. This is a common practice in therapy sessions where the therapist will hold space for the client. It allows your friend to feel safe to vent and share. It can also show how trustworthy and mature you are.

Lastly, don't give advice unless they specifically ask. This one I personally fail, like all the time. I am an all time notorious problem -solver! (If any of my friends are reading this you know I stay doing this.) Even though I mean good, my friend didn't ask. She just wanted me to listen. Your version of the solution to their problems is just that, your version. Also, if your friends aren’t explicitly asking for solutions, don’t offer them up. Sometimes it’s our instinct to instruct people on what to do best, hold that in. Just let them vent and share with you. 

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Kelly Williams Brown once said,

“Be the kind of friend that you want to have. This is what it all boils down to. Listen when they bitch. Tell them they'll be okay. Go over and check in on their cat when they're on vacation. Call them on their birthday, or better yet bake a cake in the shape of their initial. Keep their secrets. Treat them like what they are--the rare person in this world who gives a fuck about you not because they have to, but because they want to. Give a fuck about them."